Masks 101: You’re Doing It Wrong


Yesterday I stopped at a Pilot truck stop over in Ohio. I was wearing my mask when I went inside. The cashier thanked me for being considerate of her and her fellow employees. I appreciated her thanks. However, I found it sad that the occasion was unusual enough for her to notice. Looking around, there were about a dozen customers. 2 of us wore masks. Thus, i decided to offer this Masks 101 class.

Further necessitating the need for this lesson was a news story from Flint Michigan. A woman attempts to enter a Family Dollar store without wearing a mask. Thus, the security guard stops her. No mask? No Malt-O-Meal. She returns with her family to shoot the security guard. Proving the saying, the family that shoots together loots together. I digress.

Masks 101
Do not wear a mask while reading a flaming newspaper.

Masks 101: Do wear a mask when…

Wear a mask when you’re entering a public place where you will encounter other people. However, this is for their protection, not yours. You’ll only be in the store for a few minutes. Hence, it’s not that big of a sacrifice. In some states or cities it is required. Moreover, some businesses in other areas are requiring it. Therefore to be safe, take your mask with you. Wear it, required or not, whenever you’re concerned about someone other than yourself.

Now this point here is a big one. Thus, you should pay special attention. Always wear a mask when you enter an establishment for the purpose of shooting an individual inside of said establishment. This is for your well being, not theirs. Sure, if you want to feel altruistic about it, it could potentially protect occupants that you don’t gun down. However, I would imagine they will be practicing extreme social distancing. Hence, from that standpoint it’s largely unnecessary.

Don’t wear a mask when…

The following is a handy list I’ve compiled of times when you do not need to wear a mask. Moreover, it can be harmful to you if you do wear a mask on some of these occasions.

  • Driving alone in your car.
  • While eating or drinking.
  • In the shower.
  • At home.
  • Outdoors by yourself.
  • Any time you’re surrounded by people vastly less significant and important than yourself. Unless you’re committing a crime in their presence and anticipate the possibility of video surveillance or survivors.

Perhaps you’re thinking that I should be charging for this valuable information. I offer it free of charge. My gift to you. If, however, you wish to make a donation you can do so in the following manner. When you go out in public today, wear a mask. If you feel that the people around you aren’t important enough to justify the inconvenience, then they have nothing important enough to offer you to justify the effort of potentially exposing them. Therefore, you should just stay home.

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