More Bedtime Stories For Cynics


This production is another Audible freebie for May. More Bedtime Stories for Cynics is a comic work piecing together multiple short stories from a variety of writers. It is certainly not intended for children. Furthermore, it’s most likely not safe for work. Unless, of course, you work at Bada Bing.

Before I get into the book, allow me to award the “Tweet of the week” to my buddy Hammer. After I tweeted out the “I just finished” message, he offered this reply.

Now at this point, it’s worth noting that several of the stories miss the “funny” mark and come off as filler. However, several of them are fairly amusing. Moreover, 4 of them are worth the investment of your time. I will address those in the order of their significance.

More Bedtime Stories for Cynics biggest hits.

#4. Alien Integration. Chapter 3

More Bedtime Stories for Cynics Alien Integration

The first story was a flop. The second was marginally better. This, the third story, was funny and very entertaining. Picture an on-the-job training video. The narrator points out the mistakes of an idiot employee. That’s the basic premise, with a twist.

This story is telling aliens who to fly on a commercial airline without exposing their true identity. It makes fun of our travel habits, while evoking laughs at our perceived notions about aliens. The writing is fantastic, and the narration pulls it off without a hitch. It really hit the mark and got me to keep going with the book.

#3. Everyone Poops, Except Becca Sinclair from 3rd Period. Chapter 11

Everyone poops except Becca Sinclair from 3rd period. More Bedtime Stories for Cynics.

This story outranked the previous entry for one simple reason. It was more in keeping with the theme of bedtime stories. It’s a spinoff of the children’s book by a similar, shorter name. However, it’s written as diary entries from a jealous high school classmate.

Becca Sinclair doesn’t poop because she’s perfect. Her pee even sounds like a creek rippling through the forest. Obviously, people try to convince our author that Becca does indeed poop. Because everyone poops. Except Becca Sinclair from 3rd period.

In the end, we find out that Becca indeed does not poop. Furthermore, we find out why everyone poops except Becca Sinclair from 3rd period. The ending is hilariously abrupt, capping off a great bedtime story for cynics.

#2. Beg For Mercy. Chapter 9

Beg for Mercy. More Bedtime Stories for Cynics.

This was hands down my favorite story. The writing is phenomenal. Typically one can achieve either “cute funny” or “gut busting funny”. The author manages to nail both at the same time. Moreover, the narration is off the charts. The dramatic effect of the author perfectly nails this story. It is extraordinarily well done.

Beg for Mercy is written from the perspective of a dog. He simultaneously understands the situation while failing to fully grasp it. Therefore, he decides to kill his human family for what was indeed an attempt at mercy on their part. All is well that ends well. His best-laid plan is thwarted by his bond with the master and his family. However, he still gets an ounce of revenge based on that very bond.

#1. Doc. Chapter 12

More Bedtime Stories for Cynics. Doc.

In it’s truest sense, this story is in keeping with the title “More Bedtime Stories for Cynics”. Hence, my second favorite story lands top billing. However, this is a great story in it’s own right.

So we all know the story of Snow White and the 7 dwarfs, right? Wrong. I do not. However, I gather from this story that she goes into a coma and is awakened by a handsome man by the kiss of love. If I’m right, this story is background information. In the event that the story doesn’t play out that way, then it’s a retelling.

This is the history of Doc. As it turns out, he’s a doctor. Moreover, he’s a refugee from The People’s Republic of Enchantment. His wife was killed in an attack. Doc longs for sweet death so he can rejoin her.

More in line with the title, Doc is indeed a cynic. He dislikes Snow White, and mocks his fellow dwarfs for thinking they have a chance with her. However, he is first and foremost a doctor. Hence, when she eats poisonous fruit and enters a coma, he must treat her. Doc does just that. Just as his treatment begins to work, enter the would-be necrophiliac who plants the kiss of love on Snow White. She is healed, and he of course gets credit for Doc’s work.

In Conclusion

I’ve gotta say, if this book is less than $10, I would buy it. As a free Audible Original for May, you’re crazy if you don’t download it. This is one of the best freebies they have offered yet. Members, give it a shot and let me hear your thoughts in the comments below.

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